Oops, did I say half a year ago no more “finding love” books? Tough noogies, because they are by far my most popular reviews.

I’m willing to go out on a limb and call Calling in “The One”: 7 Weeks to Attract the Love of Your Life by Katherine Woodward Thomas the best book of its kind. I say that even though I did this entire workbook-style book cover to cover faithfully for seven weeks, three YEARS ago, and have still not called “The One” in close enough for me to actually kiss him hello. No matter, I believe he is merely delayed. Besides, I have gone through so much positive transformation in the last 3 years that back then I never would have attracted the sort of man I’d actually want to be with from here on out.

The author tells her journey-to-love story in the preface. She was a forty-one year old psychotherapist who was single but wanted to be married and have a child. It took a lot of inner work, but it happened for her, and in this book she guides us to make it happen for ourselves (sans child for me please).

The format of the book is that it is divided into seven weeks, each with a theme, and there is a lesson for each and every day consisting of a few pages to read, some practice, which can be a meditation or action, but most typically involves an exercise requiring thought and writing. Some weeks are fun, others more challenging (week three: healing core wounds). It is the type of book that would be ideal to do as a group with friends (or a meetup group) or with at least a buddy. Although at this point in my life it is not my main focus, and I believe I have done most of the work and “The One” will show up when the planets are better aligned for it, it is possible at some point I would revisit the book again, and next time I think it would be very rewarding to work with a buddy or a group.

Calling in The One is a spiritual book, and Woodward Thomas is inspiring. As it’s been a while since I read the book, I just reread the last lesson and loved her advice about focusing on our own development: “Contrary to popular opinion, all the good ones are not taken. They are, however, holding out for someone as fabulous as they are. So, I’d rather encourage you to spend your energy cultivating your own greatness. Instead of spending your time judging and assessing whether or not others are everything you think they should be, concern yourself with whether or not you yourself are everything you’ve ever dreamed of and hoped for.”

Even though I didn’t meet “The One”, I did meet and start seeing a very sweet guy around week 4(?) of doing this book. When I met him, I had been single for a long time, alone a lot, but occasionally dating some jerks that today I wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole. He was much younger than me and hadn’t dated since his girlfriend had died years earlier, and not at all before that either. He was a lovely caring guy (who was even into self-help!). We had a beautiful connection and even though ultimately I didn’t think he was the one for me, and he wanted to experience dating other women, it was nevertheless a positive experience I attribute to the work I did with this book.

Check it out – this book is the best!

One last “finding love” book and I promise any following reviews will abandon the subject indefinitely because I. Give. Up. Give up, you hear. I have had enough of the hot and cold, and especially enough of the lukewarm. Recently, in despair at failing again at finding a suitable partner in love, I was told by a wise spiritual counselor to “focus on something else”. I instantly felt great relief. Off the hook! I don’t have to look for anything. So, while officially not looking for a relationship, I picked The Spiritual Rules of Engagement: How Kabbalah Can Help Your Soul Mate Find You by Yehuda Berg (director of the Kabbalah Center of Los Angeles) anyway for my July review because 1) the book is short, 2) it came highly recommended by a friend who swore it worked for her, and 3) the cover quote is by Ashton Kutcher. (Just kidding. No, it really is by him, but I’m kidding that it’s why I picked the book.)

I love this book, and not only for teaching me that, supposedly, if I maintain this not giving a sh*t feeling, I am now in the perfect frame of mind to attract my soulmate. Or not. According to the book it may take a few lifetimes. Who cares, right? The important thing is to maintain and increase our connection to the Light inside. Berg makes it sound much easier in Kabbalah than it is in yoga, which has many restrictions and practices and disciplines to help us connect with the Light. The only advice given in this book to connect with the Light is to do the things that you really like to do. Pursue your interests and give them real priority, rather than doing what other people would like you to do or what you feel you “should” do.

The first chapter of the book is fascinating. It tells the Kabbalist history of time, with the explanation of the Big Bang, the Garden of Eden, and the differences between men and women at the soul level all wrapped into one. It also tells the biblical story of the Golden Calf, at which time women actually completed their spiritual work on the physical plane, and we are ever since merely waiting for the men to catch up. The trick is, we women need to be helping men, guiding them, and we can only do that when our souls (in the shape of vessels) are used for Light. We often lose our connection to the Light, even though our Vessel is made of it, because it is the nature of the Vessel to fear being empty (of Light). And so we mistakenly look outside ourselves for happiness (Light). Women can only effectively guide men (and therefore have a successful relationship with a soul mate) when we maintain our connection to the Light and become successful managers of the Light that men channel.

The rest of the book explains the rules, which include those that are practiced on the 1% level, the lower purely physical plane, and on the 99% level, the consciousness that lies beyond. Some seem ridiculous on the 1% level, but I can usually understand their importance on the 99% (soul) level. For example, Berg advises that women change the day or time that the man suggests for a date. It sounds like a silly game, like the woman is being needlessly manipulative on the 1% level. But the importance is that on the 99% level, it is the woman that is in charge of managing the Light, and she must assert this management from the beginning. What is nice for us women is that, according to Kabbalah, we truly have the power in a relationship; we only need to know how to effectively exercise it.

There are many similarities between Kabbalah and yoga philosophy, with which I am more familiar. However, according to Kabbalah, men and women have gendered soul anatomies, while in yoga and Vedanta, genders are only associated with the different bodies that we take on to work out our karmas; in some lifetimes they are male, in others female. It bothers me that there is a discrepancy; I prefer to think there is one absolute Truth to things and that different religions and philosophies only represent the Truth slightly differently. Also, Kabbalah seems to give no basis for understanding homosexual relationships.

My favorite rule in the book is the “hire slow, fire fast” rule. Women tend to make the same mistake as companies. When a company needs to hire someone to do a job, the interview process is usually quick. Then if it is revealed in time that the person is not right for the job, the company is slow to let them go. We women need to be more careful, slow and deliberate in deciding whether to choose a particular man to share our life with.

Other good advice from the book is to choose a man whom you can support the way he channels Light into the world. For example if you don’t like the field of work he is in, you might not be able to support him and so you should let him go and choose another man that you can support. Another way to say this is, do not be with someone and then try to change them. It is also important that you share common values and a common purpose in life.

While women have the real power, the book’s rules seem old-fashioned. The man always makes the moves, etc. (You are only “choosing” a man from among the ones who ask to spend time with you.) But I am willing to entertain the possibility that that may simply be the way it works. Any breaking of these rules on our part is out of fear of being empty vessels, but really all we need to do in order to be fulfilled is to connect with the Light, and to trust that that is all we need, that we are never empty at all.

It’s time to talk about money.  This month’s book, The Wealthy Spirit:  Daily Affirmations for Financial Stress Reduction by Chellie Campbell, is a delightful, inspiring and practical read.  After a short introduction, the book follows a page-a-day format – one page for every day of the year.  The top of each page starts out with a quote, followed by the day’s lesson (often a little story or anecdote) and then an affirmation, meant to be repeated mentally many times throughout the day.  I never page-a-dayed it, though, because like a potato chip, I couldn’t stop at one!

The affirmation idea is based on the Law of Attraction, essentially “like attracts like”.  In other words, you attract what you’re thinking about.  But wait, you might say, I think about money plenty, but can barely make ends meet!  Well, if your thoughts are constant worries about how you are going to pay your bills, then they are more about NOT having money than having it, and they only perpetuate your state of lacking funds. To paraphrase a quote from the book (off a sign at the Pig ‘N Whistle Coffee Shop), “As you go through life, whatever your goal, keep your eye on the doughnut and not on the hole”.  Positive thinking.

Chellie Campbell started out as an actress, then ran a book keeping business, and then in 1990 married her financial experience with her performance abilities, creating a workshop for financial stress-reduction.  The once-a-week eight-session workshop became so successful it became her full-time business.  It was so popular that her students’ word-of-mouth created demand for the program all over the country, which led her to write The Wealthy Spirit to help those who couldn’t come to LA for the workshop.  (Or those, like me, who’d be reluctant to fork over the big bucks for it!)

Campbell excels at teaching with a story, and many of the day’s lessons illustrate points by telling stories about what she does in her workshops, about amazing things that happen to clients using the affirmations, and stories from her own life experience.  It has helped Campbell’s knowledge and credibility that her life has not been one success after another.  She’s had to come back from addiction, abuse and bankruptcy, and shares with us the valuable lessons she learned.

I first read this book about 5 years ago, the first year that I was teaching only part-time and tutoring on the side.  I chose a few affirmations to say daily, a practice that absolutely helped me ask for and receive more money for tutoring.  Also, at the end of the year when I received a full-time job offer, it gave me the confidence to ask for more money (which I received, 10% more), though I did not have a full-time job at the time and was therefore seemingly not in a great place to negotiate.

The teachings are based on the law of attraction, but it’s not about saying affirmations and having money magically appear (though in some of her stories that happens too!)  You have to “send out ships”, in other words do the legwork to get you where you want to be financially, or career-wise, or anything-wise.  The metaphor refers to the days when English businessmen built big ships and loaded them up with goods to trade in the east.  The ships might not come back in with the money for months or even a year or two (or sometimes never), but what is sure is that ships only come in when you send them out!  The affirmations put you in the right frame of mind to attract the wealth; they raise your energy so you put it towards sending out ships.

The wisdom in “The Wealthy Spirit” goes beyond the financial.  For example, as Campell says, “We are only in charge of sending out ships.  God is in charge of which ones come in.”  In other words, let go of results.  Your focus must be on sending the ships out, which is exactly the main lesson of the Bhagavad Gita.  Just keep sending them out.  Another example I like is the “Glad Game”, taught to Campell by her mother.  When you’re feeling down, if you have a setback, you can allow a little time for self pity, but then turn it around by making a game of thinking up things about the situation to be glad and thankful about.  It will lift your mood!  The book also includes lessons for having a well-balanced life, and having fun.  Some are about taking time off, and how it makes you more, rather than less, productive.

Campbell also talks about budgeting (in a way that actually makes it appealing) and other practical strategies for managing your money, such as a plan for paying off credit cards.  Not everything in the book is applicable to everyone’s financial life.  For example, she talks a lot about drumming up business by phone, and there are obviously professions in which that sort of activity is unnecessary.  However, if you are in sales or in business for yourself (or would like to be), buying this book is money well spent.

Though not usually thought of as a self-help book, if you are patient and persist at its lessons the Bhagavad Gita could really be the only self-help book you’ll ever need. This compact little book of verse contains everything you need to know to end all your suffering forever!

What is it? The Bhagavad Gita is the scripture containing the central teachings of yoga; it itself is a small part of an epic Hindu historical poem, the Mahabarata. It is said that any situation that exists in real life can be found in the Mahabarata, and to this I’d add, “and then some,” because when does it happen in real life (or even soap operas) that one woman is married to five brothers simultaneously? However, here I digress, as our true concern is the Bhagavad Gita and its kernels of wisdom. The Gita takes place in the midst of a big war, during an instant on the battlefield in which Krishna (a human incarnation of God (kinda like Jesus, we can just think of him as God)) stops time to counsel the warrior Arjuna (who represents us). Arjuna is understandably an emotional mess because he is expected to fight against his dear cousins. He breaks down, telling Krishna he can’t fight.

Krishna explains that it is his duty to fight, but that it is not as tragic as it seems; he cannot really kill anyone because we are all immortal souls. The rest of the book is a dialogue between Krishna and Arguna in which Krishna patiently explains to Arguna (and us) all about our immortal God-like nature and the paths to attain its direct knowledge.

The Bhagavad Gita has been translated from Sanskrit to English many times. Most editions contain long commentaries, as the literal translation is often unpoetic and confusing to us Westerners. However, Steven Mitchell’s 2000 translation is not one of those. It is soothing and beautiful to read even as a total beginner, and although you may not at first be getting all of its wisdom, it is no doubt sinking in a little at a time. It is poetic and also encouraging, as is apparent in this stanza near the beginning:

“On this path no effort is wasted,
no gain is ever reversed;
even a little of this practice
will shelter you from great sorrow.”

The Bhagavad Gita contains instruction in all the paths of yoga (control of the mind, devotion to God, knowledge of the Self, and selfless service to others), but its main lesson is that of karma yoga, to act without being attached to the fruits of your actions. In other words, though you may take an action with some purpose in mind (aiming for a particular outcome), you must relinquish the desire for that outcome, or fruit. Your focus must be only on the action itself, without anticipation or worry regarding its possible fruits.

This may be easier to understand if we think about it in the extreme case of an Olympic athlete. Competing in her sport likely takes complete focus on the action itself. If she were thinking instead about how great it will feel when she wins and gets a medal, she would not be fully focused on the action and the action would suffer. As it says in the Gita:

“You have a right to your actions,
but never to your actions’ fruits.
Act for the action’s sake.
And do not be attached to inaction.

Self-possessed, resolute, act
without any thought of results,
open to success or failure.
This equanimity is yoga.”

Of course, this is much easier in principle than in practice, but at least for me, consciously learning that this is the ideal to hold in mind was tremendously helpful. For example, I used to agonize about teaching. So much stress about whether I would give a good lecture, whether I would make mistakes or be able to explain something well or poorly. Then I’d feel good or bad, depending on my perceived performance. So much energy wasted on all those unproductive (and actually counterproductive) thoughts. So much thinking about me, rather than serving my students. Now I simply see my duty as doing my best preparing and teaching and that is all. Success or failure is irrelevant; the fruits are relinquished, offered to God. How much easier, freer, more joyful and, paradoxically, more successful you can be when you don’t fear so much failure or care so much about success. As we learn from the Bhagavad Gita, the fruits are not the point of this whole life thing at all.